12/25/2023 0 Comments Im that guy its a vibe![]() Relationships are a chance for enormous personal growth. And if you’re in far enough, you already aren’t feeling like yourself and aren’t feeling good enough about yourself, so you may even agree with the negative things he says to you and about you. This is one of the biggest signs of a toxic relationship, and it seems like it would be pretty black and white, but often you don’t even realize all the ways he’s putting you down because it can be done in sneaky ways that aren’t flat-out criticisms. But you love him and you’ve invested this much into the relationship and you reason that as soon as you get through this rough patch, you’ll go back to being that girl again… You wonder why you’re not the same cool, fun, confident girl anymore, and maybe your friends and family feel the same. You may not even recognize the person this relationship is turning you into. ![]() So you suffer in silence and hope that somehow things will change, that somehow this relationship will magically transform into a healthy, happy one. You are afraid to bring things up to him because you don’t know how he’ll react, and saying nothing is better than saying something and having him get angry. You feel like you need to think twice before you speak and that certain topics are off limits, that you have to act a certain way. Instead, you have to walk on eggshells and monitor everything you say and do. A big sign that you are in an unhealthy, toxic relationship is the opposite, the feeling that you can’t be yourself. One sign that you’re in a healthy, loving relationship is the feeling that you can just be. You live in a constant state of unease, of second-guessing yourself, of trying to be better and good enough. No matter how hard you try, you never feel like you’re enough or like you’re doing things right. You try even harder to get more of that feeling, and feel like a failure when it doesn’t come. Whenever you do something and it generates any sort of approval from him you feel relieved, and it gives you just enough rope to hang onto. You feel like nothing you ever do is quite right and are constantly trying to prove your worth. To help you get there, I have identified the biggest signs that you’re in an emotionally toxic relationship. It gives you the ability to look at things through an objective lens and make a decision that is in your best interest. Maybe you think you’re experiencing the typical ups and downs that relationships bring, or maybe you blame some external source and think that as soon as it gets resolved, everything will be fine.īeing able to see a situation for what it is and accept that it isn’t going to change can be empowering. The trouble with toxic relationships is that they aren’t always so easy to identify when you’re in them, and sometimes it can even feel like you’re being a drama queen to call it “toxic.” The pain stayed with me long after the relationship was over, and those wounds took a very long time to heal. I minimized all that was bad and clung tightly to whatever scrapes of good I could find, and that was all I needed to keep going. I chose not to see things as they were and instead focused on how I wanted things to be. My gut told me this was bad, and so I stopped letting my gut talk to me. My friends tried to warn me that this was a bad situation, and so I stopped talking to them. I let my strong feelings for him blind me to everything else. Part of the reason I didn’t see it sooner is that I didn’t know what to look for. It was only when the relationship inevitably imploded that I was able to see just how toxic the situation had been and how badly it had damaged my sense of self. In the end, he was the one who left, and as expected I felt gutted. I stayed even though he gave me every reason not to. I may have been miserable with him, but I believed that without him I would be beyond repair, so I stayed. ![]() I lived under a dark cloud of fear…fear that it would end, that he would leave. Instead I felt constantly on edge, painfully insecure, drained, and sad. I was no longer fun, outgoing, optimistic, confident, and full of light. ![]() As time went on things only got worse, and throughout the course of our year-long relationship I turned into a dark shadow of my former self. ![]()
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